It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged and honestly…I just am not in the mood. However, I think it’s important to update those of you who follow my blog and let you know where we’re at with our adoption.
On July 7th we were matched with a birth mom from Florida who was due to have a bi-racial baby boy September 6th. We accepted and were SO excited!!! In the next 2 months that followed we got prepared, received baby boy clothes, and just could not believe how lucky we were!! We talked on the phone with the birth mom several times and texted with her almost daily just to keep updated on how she was doing and to talk about her doctor appointments. We were lucky to get to know her. She was very nice and supportive of us and was grateful to be able to choose a family for this little guy. A family she knew would love him and could provide for him the life she wanted him to have. A life she felt, at this time, she could not give him and said he “deserved it”. I was surprised by the mixed emotions I felt in these conversations we had with her. We were so excited to be bringing a baby home, but we knew it came with a significant loss. My heart broke for her as I know she so badly wanted to be the one who could provide that life for him.
On Sept 5th we were told by the agency in FL that she was having contractions, etc…and that it wouldn’t be long. We drove to Minneapolis that afternoon and got the call around 6am on Sept 6th that the birth mom was being taken to the hospital and it was only a matter of time. By the time we had booked tickets, got the airport and start boarding the plane she had given birth!!! We were thrilled when we go the call and a picture of him! He was beautiful…possibly the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. Long story short…we flew down, met birth mom, everything went great, however, we did not end up bringing him home with us. We got to bring him back to our hotel for a few days, but things ended up not working out and we had to turn him over to the agency/foster care. We were heartbroken to come back without a baby. We had to believe this all happened for a reason. God has a plan in everything. He placed us in this situation for a reason…a reason we may not be able to see now, but some day we will. We pray for him every day and think about him all the time. Maybe that was God’s plan all along!
During our stay in FL we were blessed to celebrate our 2 year anniversary. Although the conditions weren’t ideal it made us realize that when everything around us is falling apart…we still had each other. We made it a point to enjoy our day by going to the beach and doing some shopping at the little stores along the bay. It was stressful and Josiah was NEVER far from our minds, but we knew we had to be strong and move forward. We flew back to North Dakota a couple days later and continued on with our lives. It was hard to come back empty handed. It was hard to face people. To have people ask “where’s your baby?” when they didn’t know the story. Through it all we have been SO blessed to have our family and friends around us to support us.
We have kept our story pretty private and have only told a select few. There really is no reason for everyone to know what happened in our situation. All we ask for are prayers.
We meet with our social worker Thursday evening at 6pm. We are hoping that in having a meeting with her we are able to move forward. We feel we have given ourselves enough time to grieve. That’s not to say he’s not a part of our thoughts and prayers anymore because he always will be a part of us, but we are ready to move forward. There are so many children that need forever families and we cannot wait to get back out there and see what’s in store for us!
I will keep you posted. We also want to thank everyone who sent gifts and cards and called to lend your support. We so appreciate it.
Tasha & Chaske
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